You are a god among insects

mira-of-sassgard: backinthe67impala: sirisles: dixiesaurer: a...

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:37:32 -0700

backinthe67impala:

sirisles:

dixiesaurer:

aaronwarner-anderson:

mongezeas:

g0kudera:

sarahdesdemona:

ninth-level-of-awesome:

I love how Tumblr teaches us how to be perfect criminals.

Also, if you’re burying a full body, make sure you bury them vertically. Satellites orbiting earth look for holes that are approx. 6ft long because that’s suspicious. Ideally though, drain your body of fluids in a tub ((mix fluids with bleach and let them soak before draining and take precautions to keep your house from smelling like death from your sink and whatnot. Draining the body also keeps decomp at bay a bit and makes it easier to portion)) and cut it to bits. It’s easier to bury a head than a whole body, and takes less time so you don’t have to tell your neighbors, “Oh, I’m night gardening!”

Also, if a dog happens across it, it’s more likely it will devour a single body part than all of your ex-husband.

Another method is to put it into a septic tank. They’re a plethora of bacteria, and the smell of waste covers the smell of decomposition very well.

You should also destroy all teeth, massacre the face and burn fingerprints/remove finger tips to keep from identifying by anything other than DNA.

…I didn’t come up with these ideas, just what I’ve gleaned from reading on the internet.

i used to joke about Tumblr teaching us how to get away with murder, but fuck, man

the thing is when i see this i want to go kill a man just because i have the knowledge

thanks tumblr

Remember when you’re at the crime scene to wipe down all surfaces and then take the victims hands and touch things with them. Pick up cups and run the hands along table tops. A room with zero fingerprints is very suspicious.

If you live near the ocean you can drain the body and cut up the cadaver into small pieces then mix it all together with fish parts and dispose of it easily by pretending to chum the water for fish and sharks. Actually do chum the water a bit before dumping in your victim to be sure there are plenty of hungry fish around. Stick around and fish for a while so anyone who happens to see you won’t get suspicious. This way you don’t have any body parts lying around waiting to be dug up and identified. Plus you might catch a marlin or something.

PLUS YOU MIGHT CATCH A MARLIN

I fucking love this website

I think we just found Dexter’s blog, guys.

SAKURA JUST CRASHED FACE-FIRST INTO TSUNADE’S BOOBS OHMIGOD THIS IS SO WRONG HDJ

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:14:55 -0700

SAKURA JUST CRASHED FACE-FIRST INTO TSUNADE’S BOOBS OHMIGOD THIS IS SO WRONG HDJ

thereal1990s: Freaks & Geeks (1999)

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:08:48 -0700

thereal1990s:

Freaks & Geeks (1999)

hitterlick: top 3 things about me fuckin raw super chill funky fresh rule breaker

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:08:24 -0700

hitterlick:

top 3 things about me

fuckin raw

super chill

funky fresh

rule breaker

friskygrandma: I!!!DONT!!!WANNA!!!CARE!!!ABOUT!!!MY!!!WEIGHT!!! BUT!!!I!!!DO!!!

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:05:40 -0700

friskygrandma:

I!!!DONT!!!WANNA!!!CARE!!!ABOUT!!!MY!!!WEIGHT!!! BUT!!!I!!!DO!!!

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:52:58 -0700

most of the time i really dislike taylor swift but sometimes i love her

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:51:32 -0700

most of the time i really dislike taylor swift but sometimes i love her

bideogams: goes into the bathroom with a gameboy comes out 5 and 1/2 weeks later

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:51:14 -0700

bideogams:

*goes into the bathroom with a gameboy*

*comes out 5 and 1/2 weeks later*

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:49:36 -0700

chickensandwich: foxnewsofficial: let’s have *** (Uncensored for adults) lets have egg

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:49:27 -0700

chickensandwich:

foxnewsofficial:

let’s have ***

(Uncensored for adults) lets have egg

fartgallery: if I start blushing and you yell “awww you’re embarrassed!!!!!” I will never speak to...

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:48:59 -0700

fartgallery:

if I start blushing and you yell “awww you’re embarrassed!!!!!” I will never speak to you ever again

novium: that lil bitch

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:48:20 -0700

novium:

that lil bitch

cowboybeboop: viste: cowboybeboop: reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it IT’S...

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:47:54 -0700

cowboybeboop:

viste:

cowboybeboop:

reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it

IT’S LITERALLY BEEN LIKE A DAY AND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO ACHIEVE WITH THIS POST

only a true tumblrite would understand. you just outed yourself as a yahooligan

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Mon, 20 May 2013 22:47:33 -0700

larrybutts: Jesus is that you

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:47:14 -0700

larrybutts:

Jesus is that you

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 21:34:27 -0700

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Mon, 20 May 2013 21:23:21 -0700

dampsandwich: the entire school was burning down and i had to pull the fire alarm. i sprinted over...

Mon, 20 May 2013 21:22:21 -0700

dampsandwich:

the entire school was burning down and i had to pull the fire alarm. i sprinted over to it. there was writing on it in permanent ink. it said: if you pull this down you are gay. no way was i pulling the fire alarm anymore

bitcorn: just saw a guy wearing a nirvana t-shirt lmfao i bet cant even name three noble truths of...

Mon, 20 May 2013 21:21:47 -0700

bitcorn:

just saw a guy wearing a nirvana t-shirt lmfao i bet cant even name three noble truths of buddhism

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Mon, 20 May 2013 21:20:12 -0700

You are a god among insects

mira-of-sassgard: backinthe67impala: sirisles: dixiesaurer: a...

SAKURA JUST CRASHED FACE-FIRST INTO TSUNADE’S BOOBS OHMIGOD THIS IS SO WRONG HDJ

thereal1990s: Freaks & Geeks (1999)

hitterlick: top 3 things about me fuckin raw super chill funky fresh rule breaker

friskygrandma: I!!!DONT!!!WANNA!!!CARE!!!ABOUT!!!MY!!!WEIGHT!!! BUT!!!I!!!DO!!!

Photo

most of the time i really dislike taylor swift but sometimes i love her

bideogams: *goes into the bathroom with a gameboy* *comes out 5 and 1/2 weeks later*

Photo

chickensandwich: foxnewsofficial: let’s have *** (Uncensored for adults) lets have egg

fartgallery: if I start blushing and you yell “awww you’re embarrassed!!!!!” I will never speak to...

novium: that lil bitch

cowboybeboop: viste: cowboybeboop: reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it IT’S...

Photo

larrybutts: Jesus is that you

Photo

Photo

dampsandwich: the entire school was burning down and i had to pull the fire alarm. i sprinted over...

bitcorn: just saw a guy wearing a nirvana t-shirt lmfao i bet cant even name three noble truths of...

Photo

bideogams: goes into the bathroom with a gameboy comes out 5 and 1/2 weeks later